Autumnal shift and the Jewish New Year

Today I've been feeling in a very creative mood. I harvested a handful of tomatoes from my plants last week and I harvested another handful today. I wanted to make something special with the tomatoes that I grew in my garden; the plants that I showered with my love and attention. My housemates and I receive weekly produce from a CSA. Our produce box comes from Full Belly Farm, a local organic farm in the Capay Valley in Northern California.

I felt inspired to prepare a meal today with the tomatoes. What arose in my mind was to prepare an eggplant and tomato dish. This week, we received two medium sized eggplants in our produce box. I cut up one eggplant. I put olive oil on a large pan and sprinkled thyme and rosemary that I'm growing in the garden on each piece of eggplant. Then I cut up some Irish Dubliner Cheese and placed thin slices on each piece of eggplant. I cut up a handful of the lovely tomatoes that my plants grew. I placed the tomatoes on top of the cheese. I added some garlic salt and pepper on top. I cut up two small bell peppers from the CSA box as well. Then I placed the dish in the oven for 30-45 minutes. The before and after pictures are below.

The dish is a meal of love. For me, food is love. That is what my mother and Jewish cultural background taught me. It's amazing to me the connection that I had with the meal that I just enjoyed. I ate every bite slowly and it was so flavorful and delicious! The thyme, rosemary, and tomatoes are from my garden. The bell peppers and eggplant from Full Belly Farm. The Dubliner cheese from Ireland. Well, I had a connection to a majority of the meal except for the Dubliner cheese. When I travel to Ireland one day and if I visit the farm with the dairy cows and creamery, then I will have more of a connection to the cheese that I just ate. Dubliner cheese is one of my favorites, I love the sharp Chedder. I have plenty more of this delicious meal to enjoy for left-overs.

I'm grateful to have a connection to my food. I enjoy the process of gardening and growing some of my own herbs and plants. This is one aspect where I feel and honor my connection to the Earth and Elements (Earth, Air, Fire, and Water). There is intimacy in growing one's own food. It's also a process of discovery and attunement with the rhythms and cycles of nature. As well as the process from seed, to sprout, to plant, to harvest, and to death of the life-cycle of a plant and also of human life. Although, I live in an urban area, I feel very much in tune with the cycles of nature and the shifts of the wheel of the year.

The Autumnal Equinox will occur this upcoming weekend on Saturday, September 22nd. Since the beginning of September I've been feeling the slow shift, like minute hands on the face of a clock to Autumn. The Autumnal Equinox is when it is the official shift, yet everything in the natural world happens in slow gradations. The nights grow longer gradually. These transitions and shifts can teach people in contemporary society and urban areas about their lives if people choose to pay attention and glean the wisdom of the natural world. Change that is sustainable with a solid foundation occurs in gradations over time. Thus, change over time is a process. To speed up this process would lead to fragmentation rather than integration. I'm continually amazed at the wisdom of the natural world; the plant, animal kingdoms, and elements. I am always learning with an open heart.

Sunday night was Erev Rosh Hashanah. The Beginning of the Jewish New Year. Recently, I've been feeling rather inward and contemplative. This is aligned with the Days of Awe, The High Holy Days and the shift to the Autumn season. As I walk around my Berkeley neighborhood, I look at the trees and notice the leaves change colors, fall to the ground, and the leaves that have already fallen, especially on California St. in my neighborhood. On California street, there are towering old Oak trees that are beautiful. I enjoy stepping onthe crunchy brown leaves on the sidewalk. When I was walking, I heard a child mention something about pumpkin pie to the parent the child was with. I look forward to preparing some pumpkin pie in October. It's one of my favorite pies.

My housemates and friends honored and celebrated the Jewish New Year by having an Erev Rosh Hashanah meal at our house. It was a delicious meal and I'm grateful for friends and community to share and celebrate the shift to a new Jewish year and the change of seasons with! We each shared an intention for the new year, as we passed around a platter of apples and honey. Each person dipped an organic apple slice into honey and then ate it. Ritualistically, grounding the intention through sharing it with community and then ingesting the intention so that it can manifest. May we all have a sweet new year and fall well into the Autumn season.

Until A New Day Dawns

My schedule has been in transition with the shift of the Fall semester as I am at the cusp end of graduate school for my MFA in Cinema at San Francisco State University. All of the pieces are coming together with my thesis. I'm moving forward into the production phase of CHANGE OVER TIME. This feels like the fun part of the process with my thesis. I feel the forward momentum and creative spirit guiding my project. My work schedule shifted as well. I'm working part time a day per week, interning on the TLC project a day a week, and I'm committed to focusing my time and energies on my creative work so that I can proceed with CHANGE OVER TIME and finish before the end of 2012.

I intend to have a rough cut to show my advisors; the wonderful professors Martha and Greta by November. I met with Greta this week and a very kind recent undergrad gave me a tutorial on DragonFrame--a program that I will be using to do stop-motion animation for my thesis. I did animation tests utilizing stop-motion this time last year in the Fall, when I took my first animation class with Martha at SFSU. The animation lab/studio on campus upgraded to DragonFrame and to the Canon T3I cameras in the studios.

Working with Martha as one of my thesis advisors and taking her animation class changed the direction of my thesis. My project began to evolve and move in a direction that I did not know was possible. CHANGE OVER TIME has evolved into a hybrid experimental, animated, poetic and impressionistic personal documentary about my soul and emotional experiences during my first year on testosterone. I aim for the film to poetically and impressionistically wash over viewers. So that people can perceive a slice of my experience during my hormonal transition. Many trans films that I have seen show the physical changes and focus on interpersonal relationships that are impacted and effected by transition. I intend to show my emotional and soul shifts and changes through the poetic lens of my experience.

I will soon learn how to use a Canon T3I to do time-lapses of the elements (Earth, Air, Fire, and Water), in the natural world. I intend to layer various images over the audio shifts of my voice change during the first year that I was on testosterone. The project has been in process for over two years now. The first year, I kept meticulous track of my holistic changes while physically and holistically transitioning on testosterone. I had a voice recorder and journal where I expressed and documented my inner and outer life experiences. I have some wonderful archived material.

During this past Winter and Spring of 2012, I recapitulated and went through ALL of my many volumes of journals--which were hundreds of pages. I read everything that I wrote. Then, I took 80-90 pages of notes gleaned from my journals. From those 80-90 pages of notes, I distilled my year long experiences into a page and a half poem! Quite a feat, indeed! It took me four drafts that I worked long and hard on to edit and choose what to convey compactly in a page and a half poem. Martha was amazed when her printer only printed two pages. She thought there would be at least a 10 page poem with the amount of material that I have. I will perform/recite the poem in CHANGE OVER TIME. I also listened and transcribed all of my audio recordings from the entire year! Two plus years of work for a 5-6 minute film! Yes, indeed. I feel that during this process I have learned so much about trusting my voice, continuing to believe in myself, my creativity, and art, as well as choosing to tell my story in a unique way that I have not seen other trans stories expressed. Continually, throughout the process I have taken and am still taking leaps of faith--exploring and traversing new territory that is unknown to me. Thus, growing as an artist in the process.

I feel that it would have been immensely helpful and refreshing for me to see CHANGE OVER TIME before I began testosterone. The film is for a queer/trans audience as well as a broader audience. I look forward to continuing to work on my thesis film and to sharing the production phase of the journey with you. I feel that this film is not only for the completion of my Master in Fine Arts in Cinema--it is a gift to all who will choose to be receptive to seeing and experiencing it with an open heart and open mind. It is my personal lens of my experience of my microcosmic and the macrocosmic theme of change. Change which is so prevalent in most people's lives right now. These are accelerated times. One of my gifts and contributions is to teach about change from my own unique experience, from a trans perspective, and overall from a human and spiritual perspective.

What arose in my mind as I'm writing right now is the image of the Wheel Of Life tarot card-- or the Wheel of Fortune card. The themes of change, luck, and the ups, downs, and all degrees in between in life that are experienced and lived as a human being. The creative process and the filmmaking process overall for me can be encapsulated in that image of the wheel. At moments, feeling on top of the world and moments where I feel in the dark and I'm exploring unknown terrain with a lamp of hope and faith that shines as I continue to walk step after step, not knowing what direction my art is taking me. Yet, trusting my voice and the process as my lamp shines bright and I continue until glimmers of sunlight emerge as a new day dawns.

Patient and strong like the mountains

Yesterday and today I enjoyed the Autumnal sunshine in my garden, while I watered and attended to my plants. I picked the first large Cordova tomato from one of my tomato plants. I've been enjoying the cherry tomato jewels from one of my other tomato plants. I've picked most of the ripened cherry tomatoes. The larger tomatoes are gradually ripening. There are a handful of large tomatoes that are various hues of red. I've been preparing my own sauces with an onion, garlic, and heirloom tomatoes simmered in a pan on the stove. The only spices I add are salt and pepper. I learned how to prepare this sauce from my housemate, Amelia.

I did take some cooking classes when I was 20 years old and living/studying abroad in Siena, Italy. At that time, I learned how to prepare sauces as well. The tomato plant is originally native to South America. There are around 7500 different varieties of tomatoes that are currently being grown world-wide! It's amazing how cultivation of the tomato spread from South America to Europe, North America, and to most of the world! I find joy in watering, nourishing, and being near the growing plants in my garden.

I recently went on a camping trip with friends at the end of August, near Guerneville in the Austin Creek State Recreation area. We found a wonderful campsite that was spacious enough for all 6 of us. I enjoyed walking to the top of the hill that preceded the campsite area and gazing at the rolling hills and mountains. The first night, I saw a shooting star from the expansive area at the top of the hill and gazed at many stars and constellations above me. I later joined up with my buddy Sam and Amelia near Bullfrog pond to look at some constellations. Amelia pointed out the constellation of Cassiopeia--which was clearly visible. I saw several more shooting stars that night and the cool forest air felt refreshing.

On our walk back to our campsite we saw a Spotted Owl fly from a branch above us. That was the first time in my life that I had ever seen an owl before in the natural world. What an amazing omen! The next night while I was brushing my teeth near the water spigot, I heard the rustling of leaves and shone my flashlight in front of me. A few yards away was a small Spotted Owl! The Owl rotated its head and looked at me and then rotated its eyes and head away. I gazed at the owl for several minutes until it flew away. I was the only one to see the Spotted Owl near the spigot.

That night I slept under the stars right beneath a tall manzanita tree. Near the tree I found a beautiful Red-Tail Hawk feather! During this camping trip, I felt that I received many blessings from the natural world and animals in that area. The Red-Tail Hawk has very special significance to me and is one of my animal totems. I revere and honor the Red-Tail Hawk. This was the first time in my life that I've seen or found a Red-Tail Hawk feather in the wild. The feather is now on my altar in my room with the other feathers that I've found during the past couple of years.

During our last morning at the campsite, I went up to gaze at the mountains and rolling hills. It was a warm day. I had my water bottle beside me and I meditatively watched the mountains and felt the warmth of the sunshine on me. I love gazing at an expansive natural landscape and only hearing the sounds of the natural world. It feels so expansive, nourishing, and liberating to my soul to only see the natural world in front of me without power lines, cars, concrete, traffic, and urban planning. I was acutely aware during the weekend, how quiet it is in nature. Except, the last morning when some of us were woken up by many loud bird calls. Yet, during my time in nature on this trip, I was reminded of how quiet, peaceful, and nourishing to my holistic self nature is. There wasn't any urban noise pollution.

I yearn to live in an area that is that peaceful and filled with the sounds of the natural world. The external peace that I experience and feel at times in the natural world is like the inner peace that I create and cultivate within myself through my meditative and mindfulness practice. Everything in nature is communicating. One only has to be present, clear, have a willingness to listen, and a reverence and respect for the natural world to truly hear. These California mountains are old and wise. As I gazed at the mountains, I felt peaceful and grounded. May I be as patient and strong as the mountains.

Blue Moon

Tomorrow is the Full Moon in Pisces. It's also known as the Blue Moon. It's called a Blue Moon if it is the second Full Moon in one month. The energy of this particular blue moon is extra potent! I don't remember the last time when there was a blue moon. I just looked up when the next blue moon will be! It's July 31, 2015! During my evening walks, I've been watching the moon grow ever more full each visible time that I see it as it waxes.

Yesterday, after my visit to my East Bay trans barber for a haircut, I explored a metaphysical bookstore on Telegraph in the Temescal area. Yesterday was my first time there. I wasn't looking around for anything in particular. When I go to a new bookstore or metaphysical shop I like to look around and let my intuition guide me to books, rocks, and around the store. I browsed the books but what caught my attention was the 2013 We'Moon Calendar book.

I remember first being introduced to the We'Moon book by my friend Samantha Avnet. I was 20 years old and I met her on the Sierra Institute backpacking trip in the Southwest during the Summer. That Summer was the beginning of my awakening on my conscious spiritual path. The summer before, when I was 19 and a camp counselor at Camp Celo in North Carolina, I meditated for the first time near a river during a backpacking trip. I found a book in the Celo library about meditation for children. One morning, I led the children in a short meditation. At that time when I was 19, I didn't know much about meditation, yet I was interested in learning about it. Samantha had the We'Moon calendar and she was a Pagan Witch who also went to UC Santa Cruz during undergrad. She was the first Pagan Witch that I met and she became a spiritual teacher and advisor to me during that Summer. I listened to her speak about the moon and its phases. I soaked up whatever she spoke about that was spiritual and I resonated with. A lot came up for me during that backpacking trip, including gender inquiry. Samantha was the first friend that I expressed to, that I didn't know if I was a boy or a girl. Synchronously, Samantha now lives in Portland, Oregon. I hadn't seen her in years.

During my most recent trip to Portland, I went to the Edgefield in Troutdale, near Portland to hear one of my favorite bands, SIGUR ROS perform during their world tour. It took two buses to get to Troutdale. It was a hot day in Portland. I picked handfuls of ripe Northwest Blackberries from the bushes as I walked from the bus stop to the Edgefield Venue. There was a delicious breeze and the trees and flowers were so beautiful. It was a magical summer evening and I was excited to go to this outdoor concert as I enjoyed the scrumptious blackberries of the season.

The show was completely sold out. Yet, I booked my flight to Portland to coincide with the date of the concert. The day of the show, I got online and bought a ticket that was released the day of the concert. I was elated! This was my 6th Sigur Ros concert including hearing JONSI perform solo during his tour three years ago in Berkeley. The ethereal, spiritual, soothing, ambient, and resonant music stirs my soul. I love it. I heard other concert goers say at the end of the show that every time they hear SIGUR ROS perform, it's a spiritual experience. I could not concur more. Out of the hundreds or thousands of people at the show, I felt a hand on my shoulder after I filled up my water bottle. It was Ivana one of the teachers from the Waldorf Training program that I went to in Portland. I had not seen Ivana in years and we walked and talked until we met up with her husband Chris on the lawn in front of the stage. The opening band was playing and we had a chance to talk and catch up. Ivana was one of the first people who I connected with in the Waldorf Community when I moved up to Portland. It was great to see her and connect.

I went to get a slice of pizza and a PDX McMenamin's beer before SIGUR ROS performed. When I was walking back down to the grassy area where most of the concert goers were I saw Samantha Avnet. I thought this is wild, synchronous, and magical! What is the likelihood for me to see the only two people who I probably know who are at this concert?! I met Samantha's friends and had a chance to exuberantly and excitedly speak with her. I don't know how long it was-it was a timeless conversation amidst the excitement of soon seeing and hearing SIGUR ROS. The place was abuzz. Samantha at first didn't recognize me. The last time that we saw each other was over two years ago when I was pre-Testosterone Ewan. My voice is deeper and I am visibly male. Her face registered and I think she said, whoa when she realized it was me. Most of my Portland friends I have not seen since most of my visible changes have occurred.

I traveled there last two years ago when I was one month on T. I had seen both of my Portland friends, Lanz and Victor during the past year or so in California. For other PDX friends, my voice and physical transformation was more dramatic. I enjoyed the timeless connection and conversation with Samantha. There was so much that I wanted to say and so much that could not be expressed in words. I have infinite gratitude and love for her in my heart. I enjoyed our brief conversation and connection and then SIGUR ROS got on stage and that was the Infiniteverse's cue that it was time to say goodbye to Samantha. It was time to go back to my spot near Ivana, Chris, and their friends, eat my slice of PDX pizza and enjoy my McMenamin's beer as I had the wonderful opportunity and pleasure to feel my feet on the cool summer Northwest grass, feel the gentle breeze, and listen to one of my favorite bands that resonates so strongly with my soul and spirit.

Colorful Threads of Connections on My Life's Tapestry

Lately, I feel that I've simply been present with what I am feeling and experiencing rather than writing about it. I usually go to my journal often to record my experiences from my meditations, inner life, emotions, life experiences, dreams, interpersonal connections, etc. I've been feeling more of a pull to draw rather than to write. My past and current journals are filled with drawings; black ink on acid free paper, colorful markers, oil pastels, etc. I felt something was amiss when I didn't write as much as I usually do. It's not for lack of inspiration. So many amazing experiences and connections have happened and are happening in my life! I've been very active lately and I often feel like the Bay Area is a playground where I feel a pull to be external and active. Friends, community-- all of these interpersonal connections to be out, connecting, and in the world. I've been working a lot as well.

I recently learned a lesson in regards to traveling that I forgot or haven't learned yet. It's best for me to take off a day from work before my travels and also a day to recover from my travels. Yet, as I wrote previously I've been working a lot so I worked up until the day that I left for Portland and I worked the day that I returned from Portland. My days are full. I feel that at moments it is hard for me to balance livelihood, my soul's purpose--which is being an artist and creative being, working on my thesis and thus finishing graduate school, sustaining my spiritual life, the practicalities of life-errands, bills, laundry, chores, my relationship with myself, my relationships with friends and loved ones, cooking, yoga, hiking, taking walks.

I feel that for me as an artist and creative being I really need those moments of calm, contemplation, and easeful processing as I walk around my Berkeley neighborhood, hike at Tilden or Joaquin Miller State Park in the East Bay, water my tomato, beet, strawberry, kale plants, succulent, and herb plants in the backyard, enjoy the sunlight, and experience those moments where I can simply reflect and be without having a purpose to accomplish what is on my list of things to do, preparing for work, working, going to an appointment, errands, the practicalities of life!, a friend date, an actual date, etc. etc. The space between the notes, the space between the inhale and exhale.

One of my Portland friends, Orchid who I recently visited lives in an amazing area close to Portland on land near the Tryon Creek Farm. We were friends in our early twenties in the Santa Cruz queer community when we both went to UCSC for undergrad. We had not seen each other in years and it amazed me how much we had in common as we re-connected again. Synchronously, we are both friends and in community with some of the same circles of people in Portland. She also did the Waldorf teacher training as well. We both speak eloquently about our spiritual lives, insights, emotional depth and realities and are each on our individual paths of authenticity and spirit. It was nourishing, healing, and wonderful to see her.

I was amazed at our points of convergence on our life paths first during our years in Santa Cruz and currently the overlapping connections of our parallel points of connection and convergence in our life presently. What I appreciate and noticed that had changed and evolved about Orchid was her voice. Her voice is very soothing and beautiful to listen to. I enjoyed singing with her while we and other friends gazed at the amazing meteorite shower at Rooster Rock. I appreciated the opportunity to see the magical location where she lives, time-less conversations, and to sleep in her wonderful yurt. While I explored the area and looked at the trees, leaves and heard the birds, during the late morning the next day, I listened to the natural world. The message that I received in that beautiful area is that we can live in harmony with nature. It is possible. I've felt this to be true and resonant to me.

What arose for me is that the yurt, the natural world, and this beautiful location would be a wonderful place for an artist residency. I felt that If I lived in an environment that pristine, peaceful, beautiful, and healing for a month it would be very clearing, inspiring, and amazing. I would definitely have a shift of perspective(s) in regards to my life and creativity. A part of me yearns to live that intimately with the natural world. Yet, right now on my life path I am meant to live in the Bay Area in Berkeley. I love living in Berkeley and in the Bay Area overall. Yet, I compare and contrast to the peace and tranquility of the yurt and the beautiful natural world. It would be so much easier for me to not have to deal with public transportation, traffic, a dense population, and the daily stresses of life that one experiences in an urban environment. Yet, there are pros and cons.

I'm grateful to be living in an area with a vibrant queer/trans community and to enjoy what the Bay Area has to offer on many levels. As a filmmaker and artist, I currently feel called to be here and I'm grateful that I am here. I'm currently setting the intention to experience and be an artist in residence for a stint of time in a natural area as beautiful and magical as where Orchid lives when it is the time for me to do so. I feel that I do live in harmony with nature as much as is possible in an urban environment. I enjoyed having the opportunity to re-connect with Orchid and other friends from my past who I have not seen in years. I am grateful for the conversations and connections with old friends and new friends that weave in and out of my life's tapestry. Each person is a vibrant color in the beautiful tapestry of my life.

A Grander Picture Emerges

Birth-Death-Rebirth. Birth-Death-Rebirth. Birth-Death-Rebirth. Repeat. Ad Infinitum. The amazing scholar and writer, Joseph Campbell wrote about mythology and how there are themes and myths that are similar in most cultures. The language of mythology is universal. Human beings need stories--which speak to the soul. THE POWER OF MYTH was one of the first books by Joseph Campbell that I read when I was living in Portland. The HERO WITH A THOUSAND FACES is also an influential book for me that Campbell wrote. One of Campbell's philosophies is to "follow your bliss." I reflect on stories and their importance to me as a creative person. A while ago when I asked my mom to tell me about my child self she told me that I always loved stories and thus books and movies. In essence, this is true.

In contemplation what drew me to film/media was the storytelling aspect. I feel called to tell stories and be a storyteller. I remember having such a challenging time remembering stories and telling them in front of my Waldorf teacher training cohort in Portland. I had the belief that I was not a storyteller. I transcended a huge obstacle when I began to embrace seeing myself as a storyteller and I gradually improved my skills/ability in this area in front of the nurturing audience of my Waldorf teacher training cohort. This was a gradual process. I had a shift of gears, insight, and clarity which lead me to pursue my MFA in Cinema in San Francisco, thus concluding my time in Portland and closure of the Waldorf Teacher Training. All of the tools, skills, and work that I accomplished in Portland were and are utilized in my approach to film/media and holistically in my life.

What kinds of stories do I want to tell and explore in the film/media work that I make? This is a question that I am living with. It changes as I grow and evolve--as parts of my beliefs and ideas are deconstructed and composted. Seeds are planted and sprouts of new ideas and multi-faceted perspectives grow. The stories that I know for certain and are true to me are the stories which I have experienced and lived. These are the stories that I wish to share. They are universal in their qualities of themes that touch upon the human experience. The stories which I wait to tell are the ones that I have yet to experience, to savor, to live. I feel that I am co-creating the stories in my life--with colorful brush strokes on the universal canvas. I am the screenwriter of my life--on my path of destiny, on my hero's journey as Campbell wrote about in THE HERO WITH A THOUSAND FACES. My ideas and beliefs are malleable and open to change and shifts as I continue to ride the waves onto the shores of the unknown, following my bliss.

Portland

I am writing from a porch swing at my friends, Lanz and Christen's house in Portland. I am currently on vacation and have been acclimating to being here. The summer evening is lovely and cool and I'm enjoying being on the porch swing. The last time I traveled to Portland was two years ago. At that time, I had been on testosterone for one month. I've been very tired recently due to an active schedule, so today was an easeful day. I intend to catch up on my rest, visit friends, eat delicious food, have fun, and go to a couple of music shows while I am here in Portland. I aim to have an easeful, relaxing visit. My dear friend Lanz picked me up from the PDX airport earlier today. We had lunch together and went food shopping. I've been relaxing, connecting with Lanz, and her two and half month old baby, Cole Harris. He is adorable and it was wonderful to hold him earlier in the afternoon sunlight on the porch swing and rocking chair. I forgot how friendly people are in Portland. I've seen a lot of smiling faces, neighborhood gardens, flowers, cyclists, and it's really peaceful and relaxing in SE PDX near Mt. Tabor park where Lanz and Christen live. I view Portland as a rather Yin place to live. As Lanz expressed earlier, there is more BEING here in Portland rather than DOING. I would definitely say that the SF Bay Area is a yang place to live. I'm definitely more active in an external, yang way in the Bay Area in comparison to the work that I did when I was living in Portland for two and a half years. The winters and overall grey climate in Portland are conducive to a soul impulse of hibernation, inwardness, and contemplation. I did a lot of amazing meditative and earth based spirituality work while I lived here. Lanz and I drove past my prior place of residence on Hawthorne Blvd. in SE Portland, the Mt. Tabor Apts. I lived there for a little over two years on the second floor and I had an amazing one bedroom apt. for an excellent and affordable price. When I first looked at that apartment there were 40 other applicants present for a viewing of the place. The apartment manager chose to have us roll dice in the basement of the apt. complex to discern who would live there. I happened to get the highest number several times when I rolled the dice and thus with my mazel (luck) I lived in that wonderful apt. I did a lot of inner work in that apartment which created the groundwork and foundation for my spiritual, meditative practice, and life. I feel and know that I am thriving in the SF Bay Area in part due to the foundation that I created for myself while I lived in Portland. I would sit on my orange yoga mat and comfortable maroon cushions and explore as my teacher and mentor in Portland, Allison Bradley would say, my PERSONAL INFINITY. I did stay grounded and connected to life in the outer world as I explored my inner world. When I lived here I was a nanny/child care provider with children in the Waldorf community. I also worked at two different Waldorf schools and was in the Waldorf teacher training. I still miss the wonderful community of folks who I resonated and connected to on an authentic soul and spiritual level. Whenever I travel back to Portland I am grateful and nourished from the soul and heart warming conversations, connections, and presence of resonant and dear friends. I appreciate and am grateful for my film and queer/trans communities in the SF Bay Area, yet I'm still interested in co-creating and integrating a spiritual community within the film and queer/trans communities that I inhabit in the Bay Area.