My schedule has been in transition with the shift of the Fall semester as I am at the cusp end of graduate school for my MFA in Cinema at San Francisco State University. All of the pieces are coming together with my thesis. I'm moving forward into the production phase of CHANGE OVER TIME. This feels like the fun part of the process with my thesis. I feel the forward momentum and creative spirit guiding my project. My work schedule shifted as well. I'm working part time a day per week, interning on the TLC project a day a week, and I'm committed to focusing my time and energies on my creative work so that I can proceed with CHANGE OVER TIME and finish before the end of 2012.
I intend to have a rough cut to show my advisors; the wonderful professors Martha and Greta by November. I met with Greta this week and a very kind recent undergrad gave me a tutorial on DragonFrame--a program that I will be using to do stop-motion animation for my thesis. I did animation tests utilizing stop-motion this time last year in the Fall, when I took my first animation class with Martha at SFSU. The animation lab/studio on campus upgraded to DragonFrame and to the Canon T3I cameras in the studios.
Working with Martha as one of my thesis advisors and taking her animation class changed the direction of my thesis. My project began to evolve and move in a direction that I did not know was possible. CHANGE OVER TIME has evolved into a hybrid experimental, animated, poetic and impressionistic personal documentary about my soul and emotional experiences during my first year on testosterone. I aim for the film to poetically and impressionistically wash over viewers. So that people can perceive a slice of my experience during my hormonal transition. Many trans films that I have seen show the physical changes and focus on interpersonal relationships that are impacted and effected by transition. I intend to show my emotional and soul shifts and changes through the poetic lens of my experience.
I will soon learn how to use a Canon T3I to do time-lapses of the elements (Earth, Air, Fire, and Water), in the natural world. I intend to layer various images over the audio shifts of my voice change during the first year that I was on testosterone. The project has been in process for over two years now. The first year, I kept meticulous track of my holistic changes while physically and holistically transitioning on testosterone. I had a voice recorder and journal where I expressed and documented my inner and outer life experiences. I have some wonderful archived material.
During this past Winter and Spring of 2012, I recapitulated and went through ALL of my many volumes of journals--which were hundreds of pages. I read everything that I wrote. Then, I took 80-90 pages of notes gleaned from my journals. From those 80-90 pages of notes, I distilled my year long experiences into a page and a half poem! Quite a feat, indeed! It took me four drafts that I worked long and hard on to edit and choose what to convey compactly in a page and a half poem. Martha was amazed when her printer only printed two pages. She thought there would be at least a 10 page poem with the amount of material that I have. I will perform/recite the poem in CHANGE OVER TIME. I also listened and transcribed all of my audio recordings from the entire year! Two plus years of work for a 5-6 minute film! Yes, indeed. I feel that during this process I have learned so much about trusting my voice, continuing to believe in myself, my creativity, and art, as well as choosing to tell my story in a unique way that I have not seen other trans stories expressed. Continually, throughout the process I have taken and am still taking leaps of faith--exploring and traversing new territory that is unknown to me. Thus, growing as an artist in the process.
I feel that it would have been immensely helpful and refreshing for me to see CHANGE OVER TIME before I began testosterone. The film is for a queer/trans audience as well as a broader audience. I look forward to continuing to work on my thesis film and to sharing the production phase of the journey with you. I feel that this film is not only for the completion of my Master in Fine Arts in Cinema--it is a gift to all who will choose to be receptive to seeing and experiencing it with an open heart and open mind. It is my personal lens of my experience of my microcosmic and the macrocosmic theme of change. Change which is so prevalent in most people's lives right now. These are accelerated times. One of my gifts and contributions is to teach about change from my own unique experience, from a trans perspective, and overall from a human and spiritual perspective.
What arose in my mind as I'm writing right now is the image of the Wheel Of Life tarot card-- or the Wheel of Fortune card. The themes of change, luck, and the ups, downs, and all degrees in between in life that are experienced and lived as a human being. The creative process and the filmmaking process overall for me can be encapsulated in that image of the wheel. At moments, feeling on top of the world and moments where I feel in the dark and I'm exploring unknown terrain with a lamp of hope and faith that shines as I continue to walk step after step, not knowing what direction my art is taking me. Yet, trusting my voice and the process as my lamp shines bright and I continue until glimmers of sunlight emerge as a new day dawns.
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