Tuesday, February 25, 2014

I have earned the Springtime

I feel the impending Springtime.
It is a gift that I feel that I have earned.
Wind, cold, snow, and being new in a different land, city, community, and chapter of time.
I have endured the Winter.
The Spring holds its gifts like a promise in every bud that is about to burst open.
So too, I will feel this re-birth.
What will I be birthed into?
What does this season have in store for me?
With so much uncertainty and unknown. Each step I continue to walk. With confidence? Trepidation? Continuing on my path, yet I don't even know what the next few steps in front of me will be. Since, I have major decisions to make. Yet, I am grateful for my meditative practice. My connection to my Self. My connection to Spirit. That will guide me like a shining light, like a bursting bud, into the Springtime and beyond.
When the few steps before me, I usually see with clarity. Even in this desert, the Southwest, I do not know.

The rocks know how to wait with patience.

The rocks are patient.

My soul is the river that washes over them.

I could sit with the rocks all day, near the riverbank and still not have the answers that I seek.
With patience and in time the answers will come. The clarity will burst forth like a blossom in the Springtime.

Not before, when it is still Winter.

I thought that this chapter would be easier. That I would have more time to be, in a sense. To live. To create. To enjoy life.
Yet, it is harder. Harder than graduate school. When I worked 80 hour weeks and put everything into my film.


The desert has stripped me of everything that I came here with.

My bank account.

My confidence.

My faith.

Thus, the spiraling descent.

I heeded the call. The call of my heart. My clarity. My personal guidance. I made the decision.








Despite the pain and suffering.

Eating beans, peanut butter, and pasta.


I do have enough and I am enough.

I've always been enough and I always will be enough.

I am light. I am love. I chose to be here on Earth.

Faith is believing in myself and my path.

Faith is continuing to walk, one foot in front of the other, on my path.

Faith is to persevere.

Faith is to believe in myself even when only I and the Universe believe in myself.

Faith is not giving up.

Faith is to continue to apply for jobs.

Faith is to find a way to be like the rocks.

To be strong. To be. To listen to the water flowing. To be patient.

Faith is being a self-reliant man.

Faith is continuing to co-create my life, although there isn't any external validation or a clear road yet. Since I am the one making the road as I continue to live.

Faith is trusting in myself and the Universe.

Having faith in myself is having faith in humanity.

For one advancement helps everyone as we collectively evolve.

The buds of Spring whisper to me to trust. To be. To grow. To burst forth at the right moment.

And I will.

I am.



By the riverbank watching the rocks.

Watching patience.

--Ewan Duarte

Saturday, February 1, 2014

The High Desert

This afternoon while taking a walk in Albuquerque near the UNM campus as my clothes were at the laundromat in the midst of a wash cycle, I encountered a man, sipping his coffee outside at a patio cafe accompanied by a falcon. At first I thought that the falcon was a hawk. The man who cared for the falcon corrected me and said it was a falcon. It was a beautiful bird. The falcon was eating its lunch and had a bloody beak. The glove that the man wore that the falcon was standing upon was a bit bloody as well. We all need to eat and this bird is a carnivore. I told the man, (whose name I didn't ask for as I didn't introduce myself either), that I had never seen a person drinking coffee at a cafe with a falcon on his arm.
In California, in several different areas, I've seen parrots on people's shoulders or arms. Yet, never a bird of prey that a person cared for out in public.

Clouds blanketed the high desert sky today. It was a bit grey. Tomorrow is Imbolc; a Celtic holy-day and the first indication of Spring. It corresponds to the lactation of ewes. The only indication that I noticed today on my walk in the desert were some green sprouts that looked like they would become Marigolds, or another flower. I doubt crocuses grow in the high desert. Yet, I haven't lived here in the Spring.

The desert is beautiful and harsh.



The man said that the falcon almost died recently. He found his falcon on the ground, barely moving. Apparently, a coyote tried to eat the jack rabbit that the falcon preyed upon. The falcon fought the coyote with its talons and the coyote tore at the falcon's beak. The falcon's beak was healing and the man pointed out visible cracks on the falcon's beak. Life is harsh.




My dear friends, Lanz, Christen, and Cole Harris (who is an adorable toddler) drove in their camper van, Stella Blue from Portland and landed in Albuquerque several evenings ago. They were here for less than a day. They are relocating from Portland to their hometown of Charlottesville in Virginia.
I asked Christen how the drive was into the desert. He said that it was harrowing. The winds were so strong, like nothing he had experienced. Christen had to concentrate and drive cautiously in the high power desert winds in a less than aerodynamic camper van. Just add wings to the van and it would possibly fly across the desert. The wind here is something else. The wind in the Bay Area can be strong at times yet it's not like the desert wind.

Here are some more Southwest observations. Or Albuquerque observations that I've experienced.

*All of the people who I've met who are from Albuquerque want to leave Albuquerque and the Southwest. In particular, those individuals who have only lived in Albuquerque and haven't experienced life in a different city or town.

*To get a job, any job in Albuquerque, it is all about who you know.

*Craigslist doesn't work in Albuquerque or anywhere in the Southwest. I haven't had any fruitful experiences with it. Most job offers on CL are scams.

*The colors of the lights on Albuquerque police cars are different hued colors than the ones in California or on most of the West Coast.

*Albuquerque is the quietest place where I have lived for a city. There is stillness. The sounds of silence.

*There are many dogs in people's front and back yards that are behind chain-linked fences. Most dogs in front yards bark when I pass by when taking a walk.

*If I email someone here I usually hear back in a week or more. People are in no hurry to respond to emails. Or to hurry in any area of their lives it seems like.

*The pace of life is slow.

*The theme of survival is real. The desert is a harsh environment to live.

*Albuquerque is a city with a small town feel. It's the most populated city in the state of New Mexico. There are over half a million people who live here. Yet, it's surprising to me that for a City of its size and population that it feels like a small town.

Here is a picture of the Falcon that I met today and the man who takes care of the Falcon.

Thanks for reading.