I have earned the Springtime

I feel the impending Springtime.
It is a gift that I feel that I have earned.
Wind, cold, snow, and being new in a different land, city, community, and chapter of time.
I have endured the Winter.
The Spring holds its gifts like a promise in every bud that is about to burst open.
So too, I will feel this re-birth.
What will I be birthed into?
What does this season have in store for me?
With so much uncertainty and unknown. Each step I continue to walk. With confidence? Trepidation? Continuing on my path, yet I don't even know what the next few steps in front of me will be. Since, I have major decisions to make. Yet, I am grateful for my meditative practice. My connection to my Self. My connection to Spirit. That will guide me like a shining light, like a bursting bud, into the Springtime and beyond.
When the few steps before me, I usually see with clarity. Even in this desert, the Southwest, I do not know.

The rocks know how to wait with patience.

The rocks are patient.

My soul is the river that washes over them.

I could sit with the rocks all day, near the riverbank and still not have the answers that I seek.
With patience and in time the answers will come. The clarity will burst forth like a blossom in the Springtime.

Not before, when it is still Winter.

I thought that this chapter would be easier. That I would have more time to be, in a sense. To live. To create. To enjoy life.
Yet, it is harder. Harder than graduate school. When I worked 80 hour weeks and put everything into my film.

Hunger.

The desert has stripped me of everything that I came here with.

My bank account.

My confidence.

My faith.

Thus, the spiraling descent.

I heeded the call. The call of my heart. My clarity. My personal guidance. I made the decision.

and.

I.

Am.

Glad.

That.

I.

Did.

Despite the pain and suffering.

Eating beans, peanut butter, and pasta.

Now.

I do have enough and I am enough.

I've always been enough and I always will be enough.

I am light. I am love. I chose to be here on Earth.

Faith is believing in myself and my path.

Faith is continuing to walk, one foot in front of the other, on my path.

Faith is to persevere.

Faith is to believe in myself even when only I and the Universe believe in myself.

Faith is not giving up.

Faith is to continue to apply for jobs.

Faith is to find a way to be like the rocks.

To be strong. To be. To listen to the water flowing. To be patient.

Faith is being a self-reliant man.

Faith is continuing to co-create my life, although there isn't any external validation or a clear road yet. Since I am the one making the road as I continue to live.

Faith is trusting in myself and the Universe.

Having faith in myself is having faith in humanity.

For one advancement helps everyone as we collectively evolve.

The buds of Spring whisper to me to trust. To be. To grow. To burst forth at the right moment.

And I will.

I am.

Here.

Now.

By the riverbank watching the rocks.

Watching patience.

--Ewan Duarte