Saturday, August 25, 2012

Colorful Threads of Connections on My Life's Tapestry

Lately, I feel that I've simply been present with what I am feeling and experiencing rather than writing about it. I usually go to my journal often to record my experiences from my meditations, inner life, emotions, life experiences, dreams, interpersonal connections, etc. I've been feeling more of a pull to draw rather than to write. My past and current journals are filled with drawings; black ink on acid free paper, colorful markers, oil pastels, etc. I felt something was amiss when I didn't write as much as I usually do. It's not for lack of inspiration. So many amazing experiences and connections have happened and are happening in my life! I've been very active lately and I often feel like the Bay Area is a playground where I feel a pull to be external and active. Friends, community-- all of these interpersonal connections to be out, connecting, and in the world. I've been working a lot as well.

I recently learned a lesson in regards to traveling that I forgot or haven't learned yet. It's best for me to take off a day from work before my travels and also a day to recover from my travels. Yet, as I wrote previously I've been working a lot so I worked up until the day that I left for Portland and I worked the day that I returned from Portland. My days are full. I feel that at moments it is hard for me to balance livelihood, my soul's purpose--which is being an artist and creative being, working on my thesis and thus finishing graduate school, sustaining my spiritual life, the practicalities of life-errands, bills, laundry, chores, my relationship with myself, my relationships with friends and loved ones, cooking, yoga, hiking, taking walks.

I feel that for me as an artist and creative being I really need those moments of calm, contemplation, and easeful processing as I walk around my Berkeley neighborhood, hike at Tilden or Joaquin Miller State Park in the East Bay, water my tomato, beet, strawberry, kale plants, succulent, and herb plants in the backyard, enjoy the sunlight, and experience those moments where I can simply reflect and be without having a purpose to accomplish what is on my list of things to do, preparing for work, working, going to an appointment, errands, the practicalities of life!, a friend date, an actual date, etc. etc. The space between the notes, the space between the inhale and exhale.

One of my Portland friends, Orchid who I recently visited lives in an amazing area close to Portland on land near the Tryon Creek Farm. We were friends in our early twenties in the Santa Cruz queer community when we both went to UCSC for undergrad. We had not seen each other in years and it amazed me how much we had in common as we re-connected again. Synchronously, we are both friends and in community with some of the same circles of people in Portland. She also did the Waldorf teacher training as well. We both speak eloquently about our spiritual lives, insights, emotional depth and realities and are each on our individual paths of authenticity and spirit. It was nourishing, healing, and wonderful to see her.

I was amazed at our points of convergence on our life paths first during our years in Santa Cruz and currently the overlapping connections of our parallel points of connection and convergence in our life presently. What I appreciate and noticed that had changed and evolved about Orchid was her voice. Her voice is very soothing and beautiful to listen to. I enjoyed singing with her while we and other friends gazed at the amazing meteorite shower at Rooster Rock. I appreciated the opportunity to see the magical location where she lives, time-less conversations, and to sleep in her wonderful yurt. While I explored the area and looked at the trees, leaves and heard the birds, during the late morning the next day, I listened to the natural world. The message that I received in that beautiful area is that we can live in harmony with nature. It is possible. I've felt this to be true and resonant to me.

What arose for me is that the yurt, the natural world, and this beautiful location would be a wonderful place for an artist residency. I felt that If I lived in an environment that pristine, peaceful, beautiful, and healing for a month it would be very clearing, inspiring, and amazing. I would definitely have a shift of perspective(s) in regards to my life and creativity. A part of me yearns to live that intimately with the natural world. Yet, right now on my life path I am meant to live in the Bay Area in Berkeley. I love living in Berkeley and in the Bay Area overall. Yet, I compare and contrast to the peace and tranquility of the yurt and the beautiful natural world. It would be so much easier for me to not have to deal with public transportation, traffic, a dense population, and the daily stresses of life that one experiences in an urban environment. Yet, there are pros and cons.

I'm grateful to be living in an area with a vibrant queer/trans community and to enjoy what the Bay Area has to offer on many levels. As a filmmaker and artist, I currently feel called to be here and I'm grateful that I am here. I'm currently setting the intention to experience and be an artist in residence for a stint of time in a natural area as beautiful and magical as where Orchid lives when it is the time for me to do so. I feel that I do live in harmony with nature as much as is possible in an urban environment. I enjoyed having the opportunity to re-connect with Orchid and other friends from my past who I have not seen in years. I am grateful for the conversations and connections with old friends and new friends that weave in and out of my life's tapestry. Each person is a vibrant color in the beautiful tapestry of my life.

1 comment:

Orchid Jones said...

Hello Dear Friend Ewan. Thank you for the magical insights your blog has given me about myself and where i have been living this past year and a half. It is so wonderful to share and nurture others with my place of home. In reading your words I am reminded that I too, am always in need of balance to rest, rejuvinate and meditate. Often I do not give myself this time, Is it because I am too busy? Too anxious to get on to the next thing? Do not have the time? I don't think so, actually. I think Time is ours for the making and there is always enough time, if you imagine there is! Also the sounds of nature...very true that they are healing and inviting to calm ones mind when one thinks there is no time. The birds ALWAYS have time to sing! Why don't we? It was also good to get the perspective in where I am moving to next in my life. Changing states is a good practice because for me, home is always where I am, but the outside world and the state/governemtn world likes to know where you are and determine your meaning and value upon this place. What will it mean for me to move to California again? How do you see the main differences are with Oregon and Cali? Your words reminded me that when I look for housing I will be choosing a place that is close to nature and very quiet. I am choosing to move even farther away from a big city than I currently reside. Even though it appears that the city does not touch this place, in many ways...I am surrounded by the Metropolis and must quarry with myself as to how nature feels different wherever one is based on the sounds, people, smells, energies, and pollutants that are ever increasing in our daily lives. Nature is so important for health and longevity, and I blame the architectures of our modern world who did not take this in to accound when building the domains of our current residencies, neighborhoods and schools. One has to litterally ESCAPE from the sounds, smells, and images that bombard us daily as we do our lives. What I have been finding most helpful in living in a city is where I place my attention when I am moving about admidst concrete and billboards. Usually I am distracted walking or driving and I stare at the billboards and signs and words that are meaningless to me ~ very in artistic minds create our advertising industry. The modern world could be so much more unique if we weren't so typeset on copying everyone and finding the medium font which every business uses for their logos. Can you imagine the possibilities if the REAL TRANSCENDENTAL ARTISTS Created our surroundings and homes? I can! But what has been helpful for me is to travel with always an eye to the tree line, the plant life, the greens and colors that are in gardens and parks. If I just walk without this focus I am immediately attatched to viewing and reading every sign and billboard and trash pile. But if I consciously meditate on keeping my focus on the trees, I find that I am way more relaxed, interested and engaged with my environment. It really does take practice ~ And not avoiding the environemtn, but becoming a participant with that which serves the highest and most healing and energizing attitude! Like when you talked to me under that tree. I too shared the magic of that tree, of her story and your relationship to it, just be you mentioning it to me. Isn't that brilliant? Even our words and stories are meaningful when they are given a real context for sharing love and insight.

I am greatful that we can share such deep meaning and understand each other. I appreciate your candidacy and openess. You are a very open person, and that creates a lot of opportunity for mutual understanding, no matter who you are speaking with. It is always a blessing to meet another open soul.

Yours Truly
Orchid